I juggled knives with numbskulls
on the budget cuts—no sweat!
I crossed swords over taxes
and Obamacare—you bet!
Through storming neo-Nazis,
assorted Russian proxies,
a boss with brains like pot cheese,
his leaking hotsie totsies,
through daily resignations,
clandestine assignations,
Wall Street could trust my brand,
my strong (if trembling) hand.
But I draw the line on tariffs.
Start a war, but not on trade.
How could I hurt my people
who demand financial aid?
Everybody ought to have a gun:
An Uzi or an AK-41.
Every gangster has to have a gat
In case he must exterminate a rat.
Every private eye should pack a rod
To send a miscreant to meet his God.
Every teacher ought to get a Glock,
The better to protect their little flock.
Every hoodlum needs to have a piece.
So, should we arm our soldiers and police?
“[Participants] were also asked to rate on a scale how disgusted they were by a collection of statements linked to body odours such as ‘You are sitting next to a friend and notice that your feet smell strongly,’ and how emphatically they agreed with 15 statements linked to rightwing authoritarianism such as ‘Our country needs a powerful leader, in order to destroy the radical and immoral currents prevailing in society today.’ … The results reveal that rightwing authoritarianism was linked to a feeling of repulsion towards body odours, and that the link also underpinned a weak association between such feelings of disgust and support for Donald Trump.”—The Guardian
You’re sitting by a friend at a professional retreat,
And notice, rather forcefully, the odor of your feet.
Percentage-wise, how probably would you elect to say: “A strong man at the helm is what our country needs today!”
You’ve come to see Miss Pimpleton for picking on your son,
And just as you’re correcting her, your nose begins to run.
Inspect your heart: statistically, what chance is there you’d wail: “We need a chief, or these immoral currents will prevail!”
You’re dressed up in your Sunday best, just heading for your pew,
And something noisy happens and you’re pretty sure it’s you.
Please tell us how emphatically you think you would agree: “Authoritative leadership’s the only kind for me!”
You’re waiting at the doctor’s, watching interviews on Fox,
When suddenly you feel a rash suggestive of the pox.
Now on a scale from one to ten: how loudly would you yell: “Get out and vote for Trump or else this nation’s bound for Hell!”
“Housing and Urban Development Secretary Ben Carson canceled the order after it was revealed his office decoration exceeded the legal budget of $5,000″—U.S. News & World Report
She told him of the limit,
She even told him why
They’d have to stay within it,
And a teardrop filled his eye.
“Five thousand’s not enough!
It’ll leave the office bare.
This budget limit’s tough—
I can’t even buy a chair!”
He cursed the wasteful crutch
That HUD gave to the poor:
“No mahogany hutch?
Then what’s our budget for?”
Aw, Canada (Women’s Hockey Medal Ceremony) Another nation’s anthem in their ears,
They stand upon the podium in tears,
The weight of shame and silver on their chests.
In all the world they’re only second-bests.
The Cross-Country Skier Past the finish line…. Total collapse! Will they strike up her Anthem? Or Taps?
Curling
OMG! They throw 40-pound rocks in the house,
And even wield hammers! (It leaves one aghast.)
But give ’em their due: they sweep up, so don’t grouse.
(This shuffleboard knock-off is really a blast!)
Question for an Ice-Skating Commentator
What’s
A Lutz?
An apple for the teacher
Who sings and reads aloud,
Whose duties now may feature
The chance to do us proud
By blasting at intruders
Who terrorize the school.
(Let’s pray the sanctioned shooter’s
The one who wins the duel.)
“What many people don’t understand, or don’t want to understand, is that Wayne, Chris [Cox] and the folks who work so hard at the @NRA are Great People and Great American Patriots. They love our Country and will do the right thing. MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!” —
@RealDonaldTrump, February 22, 2018
“South African lions eat ‘poacher,’ leaving just his head” —BBC News headline, February, 2018
A poacher set out with the aim
Of dispatching South African game.
With his Nitro Express,
He was primed for success
And a shoo-in for fortune and fame.
The lions he happened to meet
Were delighted and made haste to eat
Both his lip-smacking haunch
And his succulent paunch,
Not to mention his hands and his feet.
The lions heard voices and fled
Without taking the late poacher’s head.
Their intent? To come back,
Mount his head on a plaque
For display on the wall of their den.
When there’s a dread disease with which we have to come to terms,
We fight to save its victims, and obliterate the germs.
Mass shootings, though, inspire the very opposite—it stuns;
We put aside the victims, and we fight to save the guns.
The NRA, with awesome clout, is in the catbird seat;
It’s way past time to call its bluff and bring about defeat.
Regarding those in Congress who support it, show no doubt:
The very soonest chance you get, go vote the bastards out.