by Nora Jay

“Mr. Trump… insisted on Friday that Ms. Harris wanted a federal law ‘for abortion to rip
the baby out of the woman in the eighth, ninth month and even after birth’…”
—The New York Times

Macduff was from his mother’s womb
Untimely ripped, near fatally;
But even he was spared the doom
Of being ripped post-natally.

by Dan Campion

“‘My jaw just dropped’: 500 million-year-old larva fossil found with brain preserved”
—LiveScience

Half a billion years ago
Some process not yet thought
Apparently began to show
Some hope of being taught.

You’d think by now brains might have learned
A thing or two, or three.
But, seeing wisdom daily spurned,
It seems they’re still at sea.

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“Monaghan farmer plays matchmaker with ‘lonely hearts’ snails”
—The Independent

It’s hard for snails to write a dating profile
That makes them seem a gastropod worth knowing,
’Cos owns own home is pretty much a given,
And so are likes nights out and easy-going.

by Marshall Begel

“[D]ozens of garden snails… gathered [in Congham, England] to compete in the World Snail Racing Championships…”
—The New York Times

Congratulations, gastropod!
You won in record time—
With wing-ed foot of Roman god
And shining trail of slime.

Although you’ve bested mighty teams,
As rated by our panel,
We recommend Olympic dreams
Stay this side of the Channel.

Because of certain French cuisine
(We’re too polite to utter),
The only gold their snails have seen
Is melted garlic butter.

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“Corpse shortage due to rise in Scottish medical students…”
—BBC

The news report revived an old ambition:
I’ve often thought of taking up a trade,
And all I’d need are garbarge bags, a headtorch,
Some VapoRub, a barrow and a spade.

by Alex Steelsmith

“[T]he ‘Forever Marilyn’ statue will be moved from its perch in front of the Palm Springs Art Museum
to a city park… Many critics did not object to the [26-foot-tall figure] itself, merely its placement…
However, some have said the statue is hyper-sexualized and misogynist, given that it shows Marylin
Monroe’s underwear… The statue recreates a famous scene [where a breeze] blows up the skirt
of Monroe’s character.”
—The Desert Sun

Fittingly, wittingly,
local authorities
plan to move Marilyn.
Nevertheless,

some might accuse them of
unconscientiously
skirting an issue they
ought to redress.

by Philip Kitcher

This nation yearns for leaders who are young,
And I am keen to swear that solemn oath.
The practiced master of the double tongue,
I’m on one ticket. Why not run on both?

The model of a modern demagogue,
For any cause I choose, I tune my voice.
Debate? A schizophrenic dialogue,
From which I’ll exit as the people’s choice.

I change opinions as I change my socks.
My guiding maxim: Principles are cheap.
I seize each opportunity that knocks.
Cat-lady Ddear Kamala, I’d love to be your Veep.

by Julia Griffin

“Trump urges Christians to vote: “You won’t have to do it anymore”
—CNN

And I shall wipe away
The tears from faithful eyes,
While nasty people pay
In fire that never dies.

And I’ll make all things new
And fix what came before;
Vote one last time! Then you
Won’t have to anymore.

by Ruth S. Baker

“A divided Ohio Supreme Court ruled Thursday that consumers should not expect boneless wings to be free of bones.”
—Fox News

Are shepherds sheepless now? Are monarchs throneless?
Writers are speechless. I am, now I know
That boneless wings may sometimes be non-boneless.
Tell me at least they’re still real buffalo.

by Kaitlyn Spees

“Whenever stress at work builds, Chinese tech executive Sun Kai turns to his mother for support.
Or rather, he talks with her digital avatar on a tablet device, rendered from the shoulders up by artificial
intelligence to look and sound just like his flesh-and-blood mother, who died in 2018.”
—NPR

(with apologies to Emily Dickinson)

The scramble on the ‘Net,
Once techies’ mothers Croak,
Creates from social media
An Avatar, bespoke,

To speak in her Scraped Language
And look like her Scrubbed Pics—
Put up your broom, E. Dickinson—
Eternity—is this?

by Steven Kent

“Will the assassination attempt on Donald Trump sway undecided voters?”
—NBC Boston

Oh, undecided voter, are you real?
Or are you, like the “rational consumer,”
A unicorn, a fairy tale? I feel
Great skepticism (laced with jaded humor).

Forgive me, but your argument is jive:
You need more info still, and can’t discern here?
Friend, given what we know of 45,
Exactly what is left for us to learn here?

by Stephen Gold

“Smell of human stress makes dogs pessimistic.”
—The Times

When my owner is stressed,
Out of sorts, or depressed,
I deploy my acute sense of smell.
With a solitary sniff,
I can tell from the whiff
If my day is about to be Hell.

In this life, I have found
That the role of a hound
Is to be a consoler and pal.
But it’s hard to bear up,
When, since I was a pup,
He’s done nothing but crush my morale.

I’ve tried nuzzling up tight,
In the hope that he might
Throw a ball, or say, “Time for a run.”
But he paces the room,
Wrapped in Stygian gloom.
(Have you seen how he fingers his gun?)

It’s a dog’s life for sure,
Just a crock of manure,
And I wish I could think of a plan
That would make him feel fine.
I should hang out a sign
With this warning: “Beware of the man!”

by Bruce Bennett

“Researchers have confirmed the presence of cocaine in sharks off the coast of Rio de Janeiro…”
—The New York Times

If swimming has given you pause
Because of your terror of Jaws,
Best stay high and dry.
These killers are high
And also have flouted the laws.

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“Nature reserve celebrates finding its 500th moth”
—BBC

I bet they douse their clothing with repellent:
With all the moths they’re helping to preserve,
It’s vital if they’re not to be mistaken
For Durham’s newest naturist reserve.

by Marshall Begel

A paleontologist at the University of Illinois Chicago “turned an Essexella [fossil] specimen upside down
while doing research. Immediately, the seemingly amorphous blob’s true identity began to take shape.”
—The New York Times

“‘Magical’ self-portrait was hidden for decades—until the canvas was flipped”
—The Washington Post

If masterpieces can be found,
And fossil science rectified,
By turning well-known things around
And looking at the other side,
Can changing views expose a clearer
Picture we’d be thrilled to find?

Alas, my full-length bedroom mirror
Reveals an image not so kind.