by Paul Lander

It rained so damn hard
My Airbnb is now
A Seabnb

by Alex Steelsmith

“Media have framed the manatee die-off as an environmental wake-up call…
‘People keep talking about manatees being the canary in the coal mine.
But by the time this canary dies, all the miners are already long gone’…
[M]anatee deaths aren’t a signal of forthcoming disaster; their losses are the disaster…”
—National Geographic

Warningly, mourningly,
Florida’s manatees
sound the alarm as their
numbers abate.

Species cohabitate
interdependently;
manatees mirror hu-
manity’s fate.

by Dan Campion

“Bend could see psilocybin service centers open by May”
—Central Oregon Daily

So Oregon is on the route
Away from feuds and fuss.
Ken Kesey would be proud, no doubt,
His state’s jumped on the bus.

by Philip Kitcher

After each triumph, I have thanked
my mentors for the truths they taught:
Ideals are never sacrosanct;
advances always must be bought.
Forget the pap dished out in schools:
Firm principles are rules for fools.

So, pucker up your lips, and kiss
the ugliness that makes you cringe.
Abandon every prejudice,
play footsie with the loony fringe.
The motto of the truly great:
Capitulate. Capitulate.

by Chris O’Carroll

“Prince Harry details physical attack by brother William…”
—The Guardian

One brother knocks the other to the floor,
A deed about which some would feel compunctional.
If these are Royal glimpses, let’s have more.
They make my family look completely functional.

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“[Health secretary] Steve Barclay tells public to behave with ‘common sense’
during NHS ambulance strike [in England and Wales].”
—The Independent

If you need an ambulance while paramedics strike,
Try to get to hospital by foot or on a bike,
But if you’ve cut your foot off or it’s hanging by a thread,
Go online and order up a pogo stick instead,

And boing along to where our Group is cutting back on spending
By practicing repurposing and making do and mending.
We’ll stitch that pesky foot back on, and knit a comfy bootie;
Before you even know it you’ll be up and playing footie,

And helping spread our message that in crisis times like these,
We all should help each other and stop begging on our knees
For aid and help from Government for ever and anon,
And stand up on our own two feet—well, once they’re stitched back on.

by Mike Mesterton-Gibbons

“A new bench unveiled close to Sir Isaac Newton’s birthplace has been engraved with an incorrect
spelling of the world famous scientist’s name.”
—BBC

I deserve more respect: I begat
Science watching an apple go splat.
So ass-backwards I’m not—
And yet that’s what they’ve got
Carved in metal behind where you’ve sat!

by Jesse Anna Bornemann

“The decluttering philosophy that can help you keep your home organized”
—NPR

I’m swimming in a sea of stuff!
I’m through with clutter! Done! Enough!
What path to a clean house is wise?
What should I do to organize?
This article tucked in my files
Says I should analyze my piles.
My worn-out fanny pack is proof
I miss adventures of my youth!
I see I am no match for Freud…
But, ah! This tip can be deployed:
Start small. Now, that’s a cinch to do!
I’ll toss a rubber band or two.
…that hardly seemed to make a dent.
I’m not sure it was time well-spent.
Let’s skip ahead. Hmm, it says here:
Each time that you make progress, cheer.
Great advice! Forget the rest!
This article is just the best!
I’ll make ten copies! Twenty! More!
I’m stashing one in every drawer!

by Steven Kent

“Diet of rainbows and sunlight: California girl given first-ever unicorn license”
—The Guardian

Miss Madeline, we do insist
Before we put you on our list
That, if one ever should be born,
You’ll love and raise this unicorn.

You’ll teach it what it needs to know,
You’ll feed it what it needs to grow,
And—please forgive our breach of taste—
You’ll clean up all its rainbow waste.

by Steven Urquhart Bell

“Putin admits Russia can’t supply clothes to front line troops”
—The Telegraph

The Scots before battle in Braveheart,
Though the English were armed to the hilt,
Displayed their contempt and defiance
With a cheeky wee lift of the kilt.

So forcing your troops to fight naked
Is quite undeniably bold,
Though the impact of flaunting their manhood
Will be lessened a bit by the cold.

by Mike Mesterton-Gibbons

“Russian is fined £400 for DREAMING about Zelensky: Man is found to have ‘discredited’ the army
after describing how he saw Ukrainian leader capture Putin’s troops”
—Daily Mail

Discreditation aimed at Putin’s troops
Is apt to dent the tyrant’s self-esteem.
So blogger Ivan Losev made an oops
Confessing, over Instagram, his dream
Revealed a vision of Vlad’s foe: red-hot
Ex-comic Prez Zelensky led armed men
Detaining Russians to be bound and shot,
Including Ivan—till the moment when
The Prez said he liked Ivan’s posts online
And, granting him a selfie, turned him loose
To blog some more. … Though Ivan got a fine,
It won’t deter his efforts to traduce
Old Vladimir, and help Ukraine prevail—
Not even if he’s put in Putin’s jail!

by Mark Raffman

“Sam Bankman-Fried, the disgraced founder of the collapsed cryptocurrency exchange FTX,
was arrested in the Bahamas…”
—The New York Times

The air hung heavy in my cell that night.
At ten, the jailer brought back someone new.
“Come in,” I said. “I promise not to bite—
I’m sleeping off a bender. How ‘bout you?”

“They call me ‘King of Crypto’!” he declared.
“You mine it with computers, then it’s cash.
A fortune made in bits and bytes,” he shared.
“An ironclad investment … til the crash.

“And just like that, the bank accounts were gone.
The house, the yacht, the empire—down the drain.”
They moved him to another cell by dawn,
And I awoke with whiskey on the brain.

“If crypto’s real,” the thought occurred to me,
“Then so are these pink elephants I see.”

by Chris O’Carroll

“House Republicans hold a weekly strategy meeting in Kevin McCarthy’s office ‘called the five families’
in reference to mafia syndicates, according to Marjorie Taylor Greene. … ‘… and it’s literally my favorite meeting.'”
—Newsweek

The GOP’s five families
Are planning how they’ll run D.C.
Their Cosa Nostra fantasies
Have struck a chord with MTG.
Perhaps her cap of MAGA red
Would look good on a horse’s head
Installed in some opponent’s bed.

by Ruth S. Baker

“In Senegal, Ladoum sheep can cost tens of thousands of dollars.
Measuring up to four feet tall, they’re prized as pets and status symbols.”
—National Geographic

In Senegal, the finest sheep
Command a price that might look steep:
About ten million francs apiece—
An estimate which might increase;
This is a pet you’d want to keep.

They’re leggy, well equipped to leap:
I wonder how their owners sleep?
They must have diligent police
In Senegal.

Their horns are round, their eyes are deep
Enough to make the angels weep;
And though in fact they have no fleece,
It would, for sure, be pure of grease,
And, were it sold, would not come cheap
In Senegal.

by Phil Huffy

“Volume II” of Harry & Meghan, the highly anticipated Netflix docuseries,
dropped on Thursday morning.”
—New York Magazine

Imagine, if you care to,
a “docuseries” made,
and viewers finding in it
our little lives portrayed.

But would there be excitement
in learning our first date
was at the Texas Roadhouse,
or knowing what we ate?

There were no paparazzi
in our old neighborhood.
(Although we took some selfies
and some are pretty good.)

And wouldn’t it be boring
to hear you’re prone to tease,
but really are a sweetheart
who always tries to please?

Our lives are full, yet simple;
we need not advertise.
Let those who crave attention
be viewed by many eyes.